My so-called LIFE

Blogku pindah ke alamat lama lagi... http://prittz.blogspot.com
Daaagh tblog duduls!!!

ditinggal dulu blognya.

Familiar with that phrase? It was a chapter on my junior high school English text book, the one with green cover and big “e” in the middle. Ever since I read it out loud to the class, I considered that walking really is a sport. You got your feet movin’ and your heart thumpin’ and after a while you can hear your own breath in a fast mode.

I do love walking, apart from the city pollution, the damaged ozone layer and the stinging sun, and it’s the only sport that I ‘attend’ regularly. While walking I like to watch the surroundings, people busy doing their own thing or whistle at me while I continue walking with the “I don’t give a shit” look, the atmosphere and the ambience… the puddle of water, the blind drivers, and the mud that hurdle my way. I sometimes pretend that I’m this character on a video game or on a movie, just for the sake of quadrupling the fun.

The new finding is… I recently found out that walking is also a romance. Hahaha as cheesy as it may sounds, when walking I can find silly little things that really can bring the romantic, Hollywood film look alike, dreamy dream, yea that kinda things that when I babbled to you a little more you might say, “…talk to the hand”.

So last Saturday night I was.. no, WE were walking around Barito street to buy this food, when suddenly the rain was pouring hard. So there we were stuck in “gerobak abang-abang sate” try to fit in in this teeny tiny little space (with the abang-abang as well). There goes our Keane moment... But, you know that was the divine moment of truth. So then we were laughing while running through the rain to Lamandau street. Hey, I got another new finding, running is also a romance!


(To special someone who finally know the existence of my blog. Everyday is lovely.)

Kenapa hewan yang begitu lucu bisa jadi makian yang kasar banget ya?
Kan anjing lucu...
Tapi bisa jadi nggak lucu kalo gigit.
Blog juga lucu...
Tapi bisa jadi nggak lucu kalo archive 2003 sampe awal 2004-nya ilang.

Anjing!

Ikat mati.
Biasanya saya memakai kata-kata itu kalo ingin mengikat sesuatu supaya nggak bisa dibuka lagi. Cukup dengan membuat simpul dua kali, kemudian tarik keras-keras dengan segenap tenaga. Maka jadilah, ikatan paten yang butuh kerja super keras untuk mengurainya. Kadang kalau sudah putus asa, terpaksa ambil gunting dan tinggal potong, meninggalkan dua bagian yang tercerai-berai.

Ikat pita.
Kalo dicermati, ternyata mungkin bisa menjadi salah satu bentuk kerajinan tangan dengan bentuknya yang sederhana namun indah. Dengan salah satu tekhnik khusus, kita tinggal menarik satu tali aja kemudian kembali seperti sedia kala deh. Dan hebatnya, walaupun mudah diurai, namun tidak mengesampingkan fungsi dasarnya, yaitu mengikat erat.

Dan konon ikat pita lebih sulit dipelajari daripada ikat mati.

Jarang sekali saya menemukan kesulitan yang begitu indah rasanya. Ketika yang biasa menjadi luar biasa, dan yang luar biasa menjadi sungguh di luar kebiasaan. Gundah dalam sesuatu yang terasa begitu nyata, tulus dalam sesuatu yang begitu palsu… dia tahu, Dia tahu, kami pun tahu…

Masa itu akan berlalu.

Advertising can transform a horrid pale face man with flaming lips and hideous outfit into a friendly clown that you want to sit with on that bench. And his other buddy, the ol’ fat man? Seriously… look at his flabby tummy, do you still eat fried chickens?

I do…

Quiero saber
Que lo me importa de ti
Y conocer
Un nuevo amor
Y tu forma de ser
No llegue a comprender
Y tus ojos ya llorando un dia
Para mi

Corre cada noche voy pensando
Como pienso en ti
Y un amor que sera

This morning on channel [V], Sinatra and Bono.

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin
I've tried so not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well
That I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don't you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
Cause I've got you under my skin

The theme song of the day.

When there are weird creatures in your house… who else you can rely on other than your big brother?

Jam 1 malam, tiba-tiba datang sekumpulan laron berputar-putar di lampu kamar (kebiasan buruk nyalain lampu!). Gesekan sayapnya bunyinya keras banget sampe kontan membuat sadar. Langsung matiin lampu kamar dan nyalain lampu ruang tengah. Si gerombolan itu terpancing dan serempak ikutan terbang keluar (scary btw!).

Setelah hopeless di luar sendirian, seolah tau adiknya terancam laron (;p) tiba-tiba sang kakak celingukan keluar kamar. Setelah pintu depan dibuka dan semua lampu dimatiin, akhirnya gerombolan laron kabur juga.

Tapi begitu lampu dinyalain… tada…. Ada seekor tokek dan kalong di ruang tengah! (eeek!) Akhirnya dengan tiga tembakan senapan angin tokek-nya tewas dan kalongnya… oia tadi ada kalong ya?! Anyway, tokek-nya terlanjur jadi pusat perhatian karena seraaaaam!

Ya di malam-malam traumatis semacam itu, kakak selalu ada buat adiknya. Seperti waktu tiba-tiba ada kobra merayap dari kabel antena atau ketika biawak peliharaan lepas dari kandangnya.

Selain dari binatang-binatang aneh, setelah dipikir-pikir banyak juga kejadian dimana sang kakak yang dahulu jailnya luar biasa itu sering menjadi penyelamat adiknya di dalam situasi kritis.

Semalam di tengah kerumunan laron, tokek dan kalong… Saya sadar, lantas bersyukur punya dia!


(2 Nov 2004 - Happy B’day Mum!)

After the stupid humiliation in front of twenty to thirty people, both of us got red-faced and slightly weary. So where else is more comfortable than slouching at my sofa, casually having snacks while talking about dogs and commercials and every other tiny tidbits. What happens next felt like magic, where the image of thirty people instantly disappeared.

And what is left only you and me... and a plate of mango.

We never said anything about this,
but we are just about everything in this.
We act like there is nothing,
but everyone know there is something.
We know it could be more than just a thing,
but that's just the way things work.
Everything leads to something,
while something leads to another.
And before we know it,
Here we are, side-by-side in this thing.

One thing for sure,
it is such a thing
to share this thing
with you.

:wink:

Welcome to a place where time stood still. Where you can rest your head and exhale continuously as if you don’t need the extra air. The wall looks solid but when you touch it, your hand falls to a vortex that spins your body so fast you felt like you’re tied in knots. The ceiling is short just about the size of your body, but when you gaze upon it, it goes taller and taller, way up high you feel so small and weak.

The floor is densely filled with nothing. But when you walk the sole of your shoes has this magnet that always against the pole. There is a small hole equipped with small shovel and a pack of dirt. You won’t go there, you can’t go there. It’s a trap. You doctrinate yourself then you head on.

Your eyes fixated on the black canvas painting on the corner of the room. It got that certain mystic aura that attracts you so much you feel like a moth captivated by flame. The moss grew surrounding the frame, bringing the damp and slippery feel on your path. But you don’t care, you want it. You exhale, walk, exhale, walk, exhale, walk, exhale, walk, exhale, exhale, exhale… You can feel your lung thinning until you can exhale no more. You are there, there you are, trapped in your own maze.

At this point inhaling is an incomparable pleasure. Vaporing the air that streams generously to every vein of the inner soul. One of the many great simple wonders in life, naturally shared by you and me and every other being.

Ease my breathing by forgiving...
Selamat puasa!

A dear friend told me the other day that the love of his life finally got married – and this is the culmination of what he feared on for the last ten years.
“And amazingly, when the day comes Prith – I felt nothing...” says he.
All I can do is held his hand tight and give him the “you’ll be fine” look.

Yes, you will naturally be fine when the time comes, especially when your slice of life is the first who ditch you for the holly matrimony, a point of no return that is. You are forced to feel fine in order to keep your own sanity, because saying “I object” or slamming the church door with leather skin jacket and teary eyes won’t work on real life.

What exactly is love of your life anyway? Most people had that, the one that make them stand still in the moment, tattooing their heart with someone else’s initials, setting up standard to the one that we acclaimed the most perfect (like my other friend used to say there are two types of guys: Mr. Big and No Mr. Big *yes I made the name out so you won’t go screaming on me ;p*)

I too, fall to the diluted illusion, the "love of my life" fiasco.
My never-ending, true, fantastic love… Who makes my heart beats and gives me courage to live for tomorrow… (yada-yada-yada)

But is it? Do I born in this world only to love? I am not female Don Juan reincarnation and I certainly don’t have that Monalisa smile people sought after. So if I live only for love, I might suck at it while unfortunately (or is it fortunately?) I only have one token of life on this corner of the earth.

Hence I learned never-ending is only for Cinderella, true is only for the Spandau Ballets and fantastic is only for dolls. And amazingly without the so-called “love of my life” I still can breathe normally, smiling sincerely and laughing non stop to all the great fools that comes from the greats friends that surrounds me right now ;)

And now I’m going to live my life with (not for) love, because it feels so darn good to live!

Semalam setelah bulanan menderita gingivitis tanpa sebab yang jelas (walaupun sudah pernah dilakukan kuret yang sakitnya minta ampun satu kali oleh dokter langganan), saya mencoba untuk berkunjung ke dokter gigi lain untuk meminta second opinion.

Alhasil pendarahan selama ini yang sering memberi rona merah segar di tissue paseo (iklan berikutnya setelah versi oli dan airmata, mungkin?) adalah hasil dari penambalan gigi yang salah. Iya, nyaris secara sengaja mengobati satu yang sederhana untuk membuat bagian lain menjadi akut – dan tak disangka oknum yang lalai itu adalah dokter langganan saya sejak SMP.

Jadi begini, beliau dulu menambal dua gigi saya, dalam SATU tambalan. Karena dua gigi disatukan dalam satu tambalan, mungkin dengan alasan kepraktisan dan menghemat waktu, akhirnya menyebabkan infeksi pada gusi hingga mengeluarkan darah berkepanjangan. Alasan kelalaian ini kemungkinan besar akibat tergesa-gesa menangani saya, maklum pasiennya lumayan banyak (makanya jangan serakah dong dok!).

Insiden ini lantas mengingatkan saya akan peristiwa lain yang cukup memiliki korelasi dengan gigi dan gusi malang saya tadi. Kadang, walaupun bentuknya cocok (ya sama-sama gigi juga sih) dan hidup berdampingan saling membutuhkan – bila disatukan, apalagi secara tergesa-gesa, ternyata dapat menimbulkan infeksi berkepanjangan.

Dibutuhkan ketelatenan dan kesungguhan untuk menambal satu demi satu gigi itu agar sehat, supaya mereka dapat menjalankan fungsi masing-masing agar kemudian bisa hidup senang dan sehat sentosa di dalam gusi yang kuat.

(?!?)

Ehm, kembali ke realitas gigi saya, minggu depan tambalan gigi saya akan dibongkar dan ditambal ulang, dan juga tidak ketinggalan… dikuret lagi. Tapi kali ini “untungnya” pakai anastesi (dokter sekarang menggeleng-gelengkan kepala ketika dia tau sebelumnya saya dikuret tanpa bius lokal). Wadaw!

Fight equals a whack in the but, a smack on the head, a double combo kick, or any other things relevant to pain.
Why bother to fight? Cause winning would taste so sweet.

I remember,
someone used to tell me
to fight for something quite special

Since then...
I got a whack in the butt,
a smack on the head,
double combo kick,

...
Yes, I AM fighting
Are you with me?
Cause winning could taste so sweet...

is it moderately sane or moderately insane? ;p

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

satu lagi kelirumologi.
selama ini ternyata emoticon yang itu artinya kiss toh? gue sebelumnya mengira idung merah/ atau melengos. bummer, berarti saya secara tidak sengaja menebar ciuman dimana2... waduooh! untung cuma sekedar emoticon...

btw, menarik juga bagaimana si yellow round faces bisa merepresentasikan emosi kita - walaupun kebanyakan menipu juga sih, semisal: bisa aja dengan emoticon lo bilang lagi laughing out loud, padahal kenyataan justru sedang straight face ato malah lagi BT di depan komputer - dan di ujung sana, si penerima pesan langsung ngebayang si empunya lagi ketawa terbahak-bahak.

as for you, i just wanna kiss you till your lips turn cherry red. nah kalo yang ini, pasti nggak ada emoticon-nya kan?

I just wrote something,
that I don’t like to read
So I delete it

But actually I want you to read it,
It’s all in between these lines, you see…
So can you read it?

Try.

Seorang teman lama saya tiba-tiba mengeluh, merasa dirinya jahat. Hmmm emang ada orang jahat ngaku jahat? Lagipula menurut saya dia tidak jahat sama sekali, tambah lagi wajahnya lugu. Emang jahat itu apaan sih? Berbuat asusila? Definisi asusila itu apa – tindakan melanggar norma dan nilai yang ada di masyarakat? Mirip sama perbuatan makar? Nah makar sendiri itu apa? G30SPKI? Masya Allah segitunya?!!!


“I’m not mean” guide for dummies/ Pedoman “saya tidak jahat” untuk awam:

1.Mengacalah di depan sebuah cermin. Trus fokuskan pikiran Anda untuk tersenyum. Apa ujung bibir Anda melengkung ke atas? Yak berarti Anda tau artinya tersenyum. Kemudian mendekatlah pada kaca… sampai kira-kira berjarak 1 sentimeter. Hembuskan nafas Anda. Apa terlihat hawa putih menempel di permukaan kaca? Selamat! Berarti jiwa Anda masih putih bersih.

2.Kupaslah bawang merah kemudian iris tipis-tipis. Posisikan talenan dekat dengan mata Anda dengan jarak maksimum 10 sentimeter. Apakah mata Anda mulai berkaca-kaca? Atau air mata mulai menetes tak terkendali? Selamat! Berarti Anda makhluk yang berbudi luhur, karena melihat dari dekat bawang diiris pun Anda tak tega lantas menangis sedih.

3.Cobalah berjalan-jalan ke pertokoan. Ketika Anda berpapasan dengan orang yang tidak Anda kenal, coba beri jab terbaik Anda, dan tonjok tepat di hidungnya. Apakah Anda mampu melakukannya? Bila tidak, selamat! Berarti Anda sangat peduli pada sesama – tidak memandang siapa pun dia.

Nah, pasti Anda tidak jahat kan? :wink:

“I’m not mean” guide from dummy

When you know you just know. I know sometimes life can play tricks on us, and sometimes you’ll have these insecurities on how we become and on who we used to be and who we are now. Things might change and time will move on just like the gauzy clouds that roll by in different shapes. Things will always change and so does feelings, that might come and go, and sometimes it stays for real. When you think it passes, you see it again and you assure yourself that it hasn’t. Things aren’t necessarily have to be beautiful to be kept for memories, and you know unmistakably well that most painful things lingers on. But how about the wonderful moments that cannot be simply neglected like it has no meaning? Seeing beautiful kites being flown onto the sky, the striking colors and graceful moves that made you constantly glance into the sun although the heat briskly stings your face. Though your eyes sore, you still be delighted by the look of it and you even want to sleep on the green blankets brushing under your toes. Melodies, have you ever listen to the melody when you close your eyes at night, you have these jeepers creepers and you try make it go away by thinking about someone. So things got so warm and fuzzy inside like a lullaby, then you slept cuddling your pillow and smiles. Yes, it resembles the smile on your face that makes the hay on my day, just like the thrill of turning a new chapter of an astonishing book or watching sequel of a favorite movie. But then you give me the frown of yours, which can absorb the delight of me so that I just want to go to the corner and cry. So the consequence is the pinch, agonizing pinches that comes from nowhere that you become afraid of it and run – but then suddenly you realize you have nowhere safe to hide and you stay. The frightful pinch soon will become a mild itch, and then you learn not to scratch the itch and let it become the part of your daily bread. Dailies, when it becomes a routine sometimes you go drop dead bored, but when you lose it for a while you went berserk. Searching for a part that is lost is not easy, when you don’t know exactly which part that is. But then again, finding is not as excited when you know it is not worth to obtain. It is actually the simple part that stays in for me, for one can never had enough of good simple things. I know that you know, so why bother to say the things that we already know. But I guess it won’t harm you when I simply say, I still do.

The trigger to
ache,
lust,
bliss,
sorrow,
optimism,
pessimism,
spirit,
delight,
yearning,
again lust,

all at once.

Setelah pendarahan yang berlangsung selama kurang lebih tiga bulan terakhir, akhirnya saya menyerah dan memutuskan untuk berkunjung ke dokter...

Dan ternyata harus dikuret... ... .... .... .... gusinya!!! Aw it was bloody awful, and it was bloody indeed! Gelas kumur-kumurnya sampe bukan ninggalin bekas lipstik, tapi malah bekas darah (tapi emang jarang lipstikan juga sih ;p) dan gue ngerasa mendingan gue dibondage aja sekalian di kursi dokter gigi karena sakit bang-get!

Usut punya usut, sebab musababnya adalah waktu gue kerja rodi beberapa bulan lalu, menyebabkan hormon jadi nggak seimbang sehingga gusi gue mengalami pembengkakan.

Aduh ampuuuuuuuuun!

Begadang jangan begadang, kalau tiada artinya
Begadang boleh saja, kalau ada perlunya

Kalau terlalu banyak begadang
Muka pucat karena darah berkurang
Kalau sering kena angin malam
Segala penyakit akan mudah datang
Darilah itu sayangi badan
Jangan begadang setiap malam

(Rhoma Irama)

Faith, you're driving me away
You do it everyday
You don't mean it
But it hurts like hell

My brain says I'm receiving pain
A lack of oxygen
From my life support
My iron lung

We're too young to fall asleep
To cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell?

(My Iron Lung - Radiohead)


There are no such thing as iron lungs, iron heart, what left is a life full of irony. Now presumed, withdrawn.